So I write....

Wake up between 5:30-6:00 am.  

Make coffee or tea depending on my mood.

Start a load of laundry.

Light a candle at my desk and say a silent prayer.

Surf social media for 15 minutes while I wait for the hot liquid of  my choice to be drinkable.

Start writing.

In November of 2017 I knew that I was going to write and publish a book. I had a new book idea and I was going to make this happen. I spent the next 2 months gathering ideas for chapters and stopping at various points during the day to have Siri make notes for me when I came up with content to use in my book. I finally had enough ideas that could turn into a 70,000- 90,000 word novel. So I called my Dad excited to tell him that I was writing a book. This time I really am going to see it through not just 2 chapters but a book and ENTIRE BOOK and I was going to be proud to share this with him.

He died suddenly of a heart attack just weeks after I said this. I was devastated, ripped apart…. I stopped writing.

When I was cleaning out his apartment and going through all the things he left behind I decided that this was not going to stop me, I was sad but that should not stop me from writing. So, I started writing again knowing that although he is not with me in this physical world he is still with me in spirit and when this book is physical and in stores he will see it, he will be proud!

I started writing a book when I was 26, my college biology professor  and mentor was fascinated by my story. He looked over my first few chapters and said the book would be amazing. We kept in touch loosely through the years and he always asked if I was published yet.  Turns out writing a few chapters is easy but writing a book is HARD. I knew someday I would finish it, I have plenty of time I thought. He passed away this year just a few months after my Dad. He will never have the chance to read my book I have waited too long to make this happen.

The time is now

So I write

Every day at least 300 words or 2 hours of work researching. Some days are easy and some very hard and every day I hear two voices in my head:

Voice 1: “You got this, keep going, I know it is hard but if it was easy everyone would write a book. Even if I write and fail, I will learn and try again but no one can succeed if they do not even try.”

Voice 2: “You suck, you will never write a book that anyone will want to read. You should just quit now and save yourself the embarrassment.”

I must constantly keep voice 2 in check and I visually throat punch voice 2 all day long even when I am not writing.

So I write…