Steaks in Suburbia, The American Dream,

My favorite summertime activity is riding my bike, I feel alive and free! Although I live on 15 acres (14.6 to be exact) I sometimes enjoy popping over to many of  nearby subdivisions to ride my bike. They all have their own fancy names to set themselves apart from others and as I ride through them I like to imagine who lives there, what they do and what their life is like. I make up stories in my head about them, sometimes these stories are spawned by seeing people outside of these houses and other times I make up stories about those who dwell inside. Only to be sometimes be disappointed when I ride by one day and I see people unlike what my imagination made up.

So at 6pm this evening while riding through Deerfield Subdivision I smelled delicious steak being cooked to perfection on the grill by a hard working man who sat in an office all day making money for his family and my mind began to wander.

I think most of these houses would be what people would call the American dream home.These houses run about $300,000 and are all about 3-4 Bedrooms 2 Baths and near 2000 sq feet. I  know this because I read the for sale flyers sometimes when I stop for a drink from my water bottle.

These are the stories that played through my mind tonight.

This house has beautiful forested back yard. 2 Full time working parents live here with their 3 daughters (I have seen them outside, now I sound like a stalker) This is one of my favorite houses to drive past because a little later in the evening and the sun filters through the trees behind the house and it is such beautiful sight.

Divorced mother of 2 lives here with her new boyfriend, they have a little white dog named Gigi

This married couple is struggling, the husband has a real good feeling that his wife is cheating on him with the new guy she just hired at her office. He is struggling to come to terms with this and is trying his hardest to convince his wife that the life they built together is worth it, he is grilling  steak tonight!

This couple has been married for 14 years and could not be more happy, they know  life is not all sunshine and rainbows but they are true soul mates and cannot imagine being anywhere else but together.

There is a guy in a red shirt angry that his wife is making him do yard work tonight when his friends are meeting for poker night.

This woman was in her 50's and jogging, no story here just happy to see others getting fit!

You cannot tell from this picture but this woman is 6 months pregnant, no story here but happy to see more people getting out and getting fit, yay!

So I write....

Wake up between 5:30-6:00 am.  

Make coffee or tea depending on my mood.

Start a load of laundry.

Light a candle at my desk and say a silent prayer.

Surf social media for 15 minutes while I wait for the hot liquid of  my choice to be drinkable.

Start writing.

In November of 2017 I knew that I was going to write and publish a book. I had a new book idea and I was going to make this happen. I spent the next 2 months gathering ideas for chapters and stopping at various points during the day to have Siri make notes for me when I came up with content to use in my book. I finally had enough ideas that could turn into a 70,000- 90,000 word novel. So I called my Dad excited to tell him that I was writing a book. This time I really am going to see it through not just 2 chapters but a book and ENTIRE BOOK and I was going to be proud to share this with him.

He died suddenly of a heart attack just weeks after I said this. I was devastated, ripped apart…. I stopped writing.

When I was cleaning out his apartment and going through all the things he left behind I decided that this was not going to stop me, I was sad but that should not stop me from writing. So, I started writing again knowing that although he is not with me in this physical world he is still with me in spirit and when this book is physical and in stores he will see it, he will be proud!

I started writing a book when I was 26, my college biology professor  and mentor was fascinated by my story. He looked over my first few chapters and said the book would be amazing. We kept in touch loosely through the years and he always asked if I was published yet.  Turns out writing a few chapters is easy but writing a book is HARD. I knew someday I would finish it, I have plenty of time I thought. He passed away this year just a few months after my Dad. He will never have the chance to read my book I have waited too long to make this happen.

The time is now

So I write

Every day at least 300 words or 2 hours of work researching. Some days are easy and some very hard and every day I hear two voices in my head:

Voice 1: “You got this, keep going, I know it is hard but if it was easy everyone would write a book. Even if I write and fail, I will learn and try again but no one can succeed if they do not even try.”

Voice 2: “You suck, you will never write a book that anyone will want to read. You should just quit now and save yourself the embarrassment.”

I must constantly keep voice 2 in check and I visually throat punch voice 2 all day long even when I am not writing.

So I write…